Praying for Broken Hearts

 It never gets any easier to tell a woman that her baby is dead. 

It’s part of my job. I accept that. Part of living in a fallen world is that bad things happen to good people. I understand this fact on an intellectual level, but despite the years of giving bad news, it still breaks my heart each time.

Lately,  I’ve had to tell several women terrible news; women who really needed good news.

When I saw their names on my patient lists, scheduled for their first pregnancy visit, I would get so excited. Finally they were pregnant again. I would be full of hope, that this time would be different, until I placed the ultrasound on their belly only to see stillness, where the flutter of a heart beat should have been.

These were women burdened with multiple disappointments, who conceived despite the odds, only to face heart wrenching losses once again.

I wish I had answers,  both medical and spiritual as to why this has to happen, but mostly I do not.

I can’t always give them answers. I can only listen, comfort, hope and pray.

Pray that they are blessed with a next time. That the next time things will be different. That next time there will be tears of joy.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

If you are part of this community, we pray for you often; especially those who have experienced loss. Know that you are covered and understood and loved.

{Photo used courtesy of Creative Commons}

About Dr. Heather Rupe

Dr. Rupe is a mom, wife and OB/GYN. She is the co-author of The Pregnancy Companion book and blogs at www.ThePregnancyCompanion.com. Her heart is to help guide women through as peaceful a pregnancy as possible. In her spare time she loves to run and laugh whenever she can.

Comments

  1. This isn’t really easy.. Being broken hearted is one of the dilemmas of people today, especially the girls.. Anyway, thanks for the inspiration here..

  2. I will never forget the doctor who told me my twins would not survive. At 22 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I had unknowingly fully dilated and gone into labor. There was no way to stop it and the babies were too small to survive. The compassion of this doctor deeply touched me. She cried with me and hugged me before I was transferred to another hospital. The team there was equally compassionate and caring. I will never forget these people who unexpectedly came into our lives; they are part of our story. I believe it takes a special person to do this job.
    I could really use your prayers right now. I am 7 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. Yesterday, I had an ultrasound and was told that the heart rate was lower than expected for this gestation. The term “worrisome” was used. I have another ultrasound on Monday when I will find out if the pregnancy is viable. Baby loss mommies and daddies as well as the doctors and nurses who care for them are in my heart and prayers every day.

    • Jessica says:

      Anne, Praying right now for you and your sweet baby. Believing for a good report. I am so sorry for the loss you have endured. Thank you for your bravery in sharing with us here. Hugs to you!

  3. Beautiful beautiful site you have here. xoxo

  4. Prayers to Anne, hope you will get some good news. Go little heart!

    I had 3 losses before my OB ordered bloodwork and got some suspicious results, which fortunately was treatable with anticoagulants. We conceived again, and I can’t speak for her, but after what we’d been through, I think she was just as thrilled to deliver our son as we were. She saw us through the worst and the best – God bless her and all OBs for what you do!

  5. It seems like obstetrics is either really, really good or really, really hard. Like there is no in between. Thanks for writing this, for those of us who have had to hear that news. It sucks for everybody involved. But our doctor and nurses were God’s gift to us in the midst of our daughter’s stillbirth. Even though I know it must be terrible to go through, I’m glad that you can give those patients the gift of your love and gentle care. It’s a gift beyond price.

    • Jessica says:

      Thanks for sharing Beth. I’m so glad you had a good doctor and nurses. Good people in the medical field are priceless!! Blessings to you!

  6. Jacqueline says:

    I will never forget the doctor on call the day after I delivered my daughter still at 40 weeks in March. My husband needed to run home and take care of a few household things, so I was alone. The day after a c-section and my daughter’s death and I was in shock. This OB/GYN came in my room and just sat with me for over an hour. He chatted with me about faith and about loss. He gave me comfort and peace, and helped me signifcantly with the guilt I was feeling for her dealth. I liked him so much that I asked if he would take over my care (I had been seeing a midwife previously), to which he replied that he’d be honored to. Four months out from our loss, we are now starting the journey of TTC our rainbow baby. Naturally, I have some anxiety about it, and I will until our next baby is safely in my arms. But no matter what happens, I’m thankful for the Dr. that will be supporting us through the journey.

  7. I guess that is also the case that happened to the doctor of my mom, before she was able to bring my elder sister to full term. What made it worse is that she is also my mom’s godmother.

  8. I will never forget the look of complete shock and sadness on my doctor’s face when he unexpectedly and unexplainably could not find our daughter’s heartbeat at 27 weeks. And I will never forget how he came to her funeral and shed tears of grief right along with us.
    He was also our biggest cheerleader to try again, and we are currently 23 weeks with our rainbow twins.
    Praying I will never have to see that look in our doctor’s eyes again.

  9. I think what you have written is absolutely beautiful. With your medical knowledge and tender heart and love for the Lord, I can only imagine how comforting this site must be to so many. After experiencing 3 miscarriages consecutively I recently wrote this post about what I would tell someone who just experienced a miscarriage. http://www.aninvitinghome.com/2013/01/a-special-week-day-7-seven-things-that.html
    I’m wondering if the information that I wrote is still accurate since it has been a few years since I went through this experience. More specifically what is the percentage of women that will go on to have a healthy pregnancy after experiencing one miscarriage? I don’t want to give out the wrong information.

    Blessings!
    Sarah

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