What Makes You Happy?

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 nest necklaceedit

She called and left a message. We hadn’t talked in years, so she didn’t even know about my third child. To get a hold of me she had to track down my husband and ask for my number.

Then a couple of days later she called again and this time I was able to answer.

She wondered how I was doing because “God had me thinking of you.”

After several minutes of catching up, I reassured her that I was really doing well. She kept asking questions, and I kept talking. I started to tell her about various life situations, she suddenly stopped, “Ahhhh….I see why God had you on my heart last Wednesday and Thursday. You’ve been making sacrifices and God sees you.”

She then went on to ask “What makes you happy?”

My first instinct…”I don’t even know anymore.”  She eluded to how much deeper that statement really went.  Then explained that jewelry made her happy.  Then asked me again…”What makes you happy?”  So I told her the first two (unfortunately materialistic) things that came to mind–shoes and jewelry.

She then explained that I should be expecting something in the mail.

What? What just happened?

The last Wednesday and Thursday that she was referring to were really hard days for me.  Nothing specifically had happened, but I was struggling.  Nobody knew. I barely acknowledged it.  But God wanted me to know that He knew.  So He had someone think about me in such a way that she felt compelled to reach out to find out how I was doing.  She didn’t just accept my answer, “I’m good.”  She insisted on finding out how I was really doing.

It’s easy for me to see God as my Savior, but I often forget how He is my friend as well.  He sent someone who I hadn’t talked to in years, to remind me that He is my friend.  He sees my sacrifices.  He sees me, loves me, and wants to bless me.  It was so sweet to tangibly experience His love for ME. God’s love is active in my life. He not only loved me enough to send His Son to die for me, He loves me all the time. God is truly my friend. He reached out to me like a friend would – “I’ve been thinking about you and I wanted you to know it.”

Beyond receiving an active expression of God’s love for me, I also learned some valuable lessons.

  1. Be persistent in friendship.  Often times when someone comes to mind I’ll just text them and say “Thinking of you” or get so busy I do nothing at all.  I might call, but if I can’t reach them then I’ll think to myself, “Well, I tried.” My friend persisted. She kept reaching out and kept asking until she knew WHY she was thinking of me. Then she actively did something about it.
  2. Actively do something to reach out to others.  Since that call I have received a beautiful pair of turquoise earrings, a cool pair of shoes and a nest necklace. What makes me most happy is my family, especially my kids.  She sent me a gift that represented my kids which was a true representation that God knows what really makes me happy.
  3. Remember, it’s good to receive. At first I hesitated answering her questions about materialistic shoes and jewelry.  I told her she didn’t have to send me anything, that the thought was enough. But when I stopped thinking about what she would think, and I looked at it like God was asking me, then it was much easier for me to receive.  Too often we resist gifts others give us because we are afraid they will think we are greedy or ungrateful. What we forget is that God uses others to bless us.  To resist their gestures is actually resisting God. The best response is gratitude.
  4. It’s OK to answer the question, “What makes you happy?” As moms, we are in a stage of life where we are constantly responding to the demands and needs of others.  It’s important to allow ourselves room to see what we need – even if it seems selfish.  It’s a bit sad to me that we are so quick to feel guilty when we take time or resources for ourselves. In the midst of making our family a priority, we forget that we are a priority as well.

I’d like to propose that we all ask ourselves, “What makes me happy?” Maybe it’s time at a coffee shop, a pedicure, painting something, shopping, or maybe it’s simply sleeping. Whatever it is – allow yourself to make it a priority.

What if each and every person who read this, paid it forward. What if we sought out someone who needs an active expression of His love for them? What if we were willing to simply ask them, “What makes you happy, other than the obvious (friends, family, kids)?  What is something that makes you smile when you receive it?” Then whatever it is, make it happen.

Let’s make someone happy today.

Leave a comment to let us know what you did.  How can you make your happiness a priority?  How did you actively make someone else happy?

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Kristy Chowning

Kristy Chowning is a mom of three little miracles. She is co-founder of Grace for Moms, a homemaker, and a 'retired' nurse practitioner.

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Moving Our Kids Beyond ‘Me First’

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My great grandfather used to say that we spend the first two years of children’s lives serving them and the rest of their lives encouraging them to serve others.  We give them everything during the first several months of their lives and then spend what feels like eternity, or at least for me lately, teaching them that life is no longer only about them.

I have always known that being a Christian is counter-cultural.  Christianity goes against most of what popular culture “preaches.”  For example, the Bible tells us things like–to truly live with Christ we must die to ourselves, and it is better to be last then first.  Christianity tells us to be generous with what we have, even when it is not much and to love and pray for people even when they mistreat us.

Of all the Bible’s commands, Jesus said the two greatest come from Matthew 22:37-39: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.”  What I am learning in trying to teach my four year old these two commandments and especially the idea of loving others as we love ourselves, is that having a servant’s heart—putting others first—may be one of the most counter-cultural concepts of our time.   So many things in our culture revolve around self-love and self-promotion—being the most attractive, the wealthiest, the most successful, etc.  Or, in the vernacular of my four year old—being the first, the best, the biggest and getting the most of whatever is being handed out.

This striving to be first in everything is a new thing for him and something I struggle daily to temper because I don’t want it to become something negative in his life.  I want him to be outgoing, successful and a self-starter, but not if it is to another’s detriment.  I know that young children are naturally egocentric, but as he matures I want to show my son how to value things like selflessness, turning the other cheek and unconditional love, without betraying his own rights and feelings or becoming a “doormat.”

So how do we plant the seeds of a servant’s heart in our children?  How do we drown out the deafening “me first culture” and show them the beauty and fulfillment that comes from loving others well—like Jesus did—often when it is inconvenient and sometimes until it hurts.  I am still figuring this one out, but there are a few things I am trying so far.

First, I quote scripture to my son that talks about servanthood and have him memorize it—verses like Mark 9:35: “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” 

Next, I do what I like to call “narrating life.”  If my son or anyone nearby is demonstrating loving others as we love ourselves—in any way—I point it out to him.   For example, I may say, “Isaac, look at how that girl let her friend go first on the slide.”

Thirdly, I constantly remind my son of all Jesus did for us.  I tell him that Jesus had the best of everything and left it to come to earth and die on the cross for us.

Finally, I try to serve the people around me as much as I can and let my children “watch” and serve with me when possible.  This also involves narration—saying things like, “We are buying these school supplies for children who do not have any.”

My great grandfather embodied the two greatest commandments better than most.  He was a pastor, missionary and amazing husband and father.  He always talked about spiritual things and quoted the Bible, but more than that he poured out his life as a living sacrifice to those around him.  He helped the poor, the hungry and those in prison.  He was always there for his family members and loved ones and gave generously of his time, money and energy.  My grandfather even loved those who mistreated him.  He lived Romans 12:1, “I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.”  This, more than anything, showed me what it meant to live a life devoted to the most sacred commandments of loving God and loving others.  I have come to realize that, for me, what I do is more important than what I say.  That my children are watching to see what my heart values and the main evidence of this is how I spend my time.  I fall short so many days in trying to be a good example, but I am trying.

How about you?  How are you teaching your child to have servant’s heart?  Is there someone in your life that loves/loved God and others well?  If so, what can you learn from him/her?

Jenevieve Wardell

Jenevieve lives in Charlotte with her husband Randy and two children, Isaac and Hope. She is a licensed mental health counselor who practiced for five years, and now writes for a monthly psychotherapy blog. She is currently a stay-at-home mom who is learning to embrace grace in a whole new way.

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When There’s Nothing Left to Give

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You may recognize this quote by Anne Frank.

My husband and I can testify to this truth when it comes to our finances. We’ve always given to others through tithes and offerings and missionary support. And even when it seems we’ve had little to give, we’ve always had enough to keep giving.

But lately this quote has been rolling around my mind not in regards to finances, but motherhood.

Between my toddler-chasing and baby-rocking and home-keeping and writing and ministry commitments my hands are absolutely full. I mentor a few young women, I answer a ton of emails, I teach, I volunteer, I participate in moms groups… The list goes on.

Just like you, I givegivegive.

There’s nothing “special” about my giving. I give because I’m a mother and that’s what we do.

And although I know it’s a part of the package, it can be draining, overwhelming, and disheartening when I feel like there is no balance to the giving and receiving.

Some days I want to give up all the giving!

But then the Giver whispers in my ear: You will never run out if you draw from the Source. Receive me as you give to them.

It’s true that you need to be filled up in order to pour out.

But it’s also true that you need to pour out in order to be filled.

Jesus said that it’s better to give than to receive.

He modeled that when he broke bread with tax collectors and extended kindness to prostitutes. He gave to them with no expectation of gaining something back. (Jesus didn’t do trades.)

The incredible thing is that when he gave himself to them, they gave themselves back to him.

Even his death – the ultimate act of giving – was to pave the way for him to receive us.

In his giving, he received.

And in my giving as a mother, I receive too. It’s just that sometimes I let thoughts of the sacrifice get in the way of understanding the reward.

You can’t get poor from giving.

Take heart mamas, you are receiving as you give. Maybe, like me, you just need to be reminded to remember.

Dear friends, do you ever get tired of giving? How do you remind yourself to remember?

Adriel Booker

Adriel Booker is a writer, speaker, and difference-maker living Down Under with her love (and two littles) where they serve in full-time ministry and full-time parenting together. She writes at The Mommyhood Memos, where she's passionate about encouraging and empowering women.

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